The Celine Dion Show
Starring Bryan Bird as Celine Dion and Holly Bowersox as Bette Midler

(Ellipses [...] indicate pauses in speech. Two chairs are set up. CELINE comes in and sits down while piano plays introduction to "My Heart Will Go On" which fades out as CELINE begins to speak.)

But enough about me. Our first guest today on The Celine Dion Show... you may remember from such movies as "Beaches", "The Rose", and "Divine Madness". Please welcome... Bette Midler!

(Music begins at third measure at top of page 5, at the segno as BETTE enters and sits in the other chair. Music stops when she begins to speak.)

SONG: "The Wind Beneath My Wings"

(Piano starts at bottom of page three one measure before repeat sign with the F-major chord, then BETTE begins to sing.)

BETTE:

So, I was the one with all the glory.

While you were the one with all the strength.

(CELINE begins swaying with the music.)

A beautiful face without a name, for so long,

A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

(CELINE begins crying and wiping her eyes. CELINE then slowly gets up and moves toward BETTE, then begins mouthing the words.)

Did you ever know that you're my hero,

And ev'rything I would like to be?

(CELINE joins in in a loud, overbearing voice, drowning out BETTE.)

BOTH: I can fly higher than an eagle,

(BETTE stops and looks at CELINE)

CELINE: 'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

(Music stops with CELINE.)

(BETTE marches offstage.)

(Piano starts at beginning of music for "My Heart Will Go On".)

and as the two lovers... fend for their lives... the band plays on... and the main character thinks... about how his present situation... is quite... shafty... and how many times in his life... things have been... shafty.

(CELINE sits down)

SONG: "The Shaft Will Go On"

CELINE:

Ev'ry night in my dreams

I see her (point to eyes), I feel her (spread out hands),

(Music stops, CELINE thinks for a moment.)

(Spoken) Ew, gross...

(Music starts)

But I know that this can't go on.

Increasing the distance

And spaces between us

It has come to show it goes on.

(CELINE starts moving with the music)

Near (hands together), far (hands apart), wherever we are,

I know that the shaft will go on.

Once more, it slammed (mime slam door closed) closed the door

And it tore (mime rip heart out) my heart out,

And the shaft (make shaft motion with arms) will go on and on.

(CELINE stops moving)

Love can touch us one time (cross arms chest)

And last for a lifetime,

And never let go (uncross arms) till we're gone.

But I wouldn't know that (wave index finger);

The shaft is too strong.

Its cruel ways will always go on.

Near (hands together), far (hands apart), wherever we are,

I know that the shaft will go on.

Once more, it slammed (mime slam door closed) closed the door

And it tore (mime rip heart out) my heart out,

And the shaft (make shaft motion with arms) will go on and on.

(CELINE moves to musical interlude. As CELINE begins singing again, she rises from seat.)

It's here, there's (scream-singing) something to fear,

'Cuz I know that the shaft (shaft motion) will go on.

I'll stay (scream-singing) forever this way.

Nothing's safe from the shaft (shaft motion),

And the shaft (shaft motion) will go on and on (raise arms).

(CELINE moves with music until the oh's start; sings oh's at the end of the song, then smiles at audience and raises hands in the air.)