The Tombstone at the Mass Grave of Legendary Urban Victims reads:

A is for Alvin, whose stomach was loaded
with Pop Rocks and cola, so he soon exploded.

B is for Bertha, whose final exam
was taken with pens in her nose, not her hand.

C is for Cletus, whose two legs were bit
by a mischievous snake in the fast food ball pit.

D is for Deborah, eaten by 'gator;
down in the sewer no one could locate 'er.

E is for Edward, a small Pekinese,
whose owner sprayed all of the chairs with Febreze.

F is for Feathers, a cute little bird,
who ate rice at the wedding of Edward The Third.

G is for Gunther, whose blue star tattoo
was laced with some drugs; his mom had no clue!

H is for Helga, whose tan was so thickened,
that she died that night, and smelled like baked chicken.

I is for Ivan, dropped on forest fire,
though scuba diving was what he desired.

J is for Jamie, who stayed in her room
when Little Bo Peep came and made dorm go boom.

K is for Kevin, a baby no less,
who ate a poinsettia leaf (or so they guess).

L is for Laura; 'tis sad to repeat:
she got HIV from a theater seat.

M is for Morris, dressed as Raggedy Andy,
who had cyanide in his Halloween candy.

N is for Nancy, who couldn't call home,
'cuz strychnine was smeared on the public pay phone.

O is for Oswald, whose drive hit a snag
when spunkballing teens tossed him flaming hot rags.

P is for Polly, who heard a loud bang
when headlights were flashed at an oncoming gang.

Q is for Quincy, who met final rest
from fiberglass breathed in from his cigarettes.

R is for Rhonda, who was tripped and fell
over a theater balcony; farewell!

S is for Stanley, who caused so much panic
when the mummy he brought on board cursed the Titanic.

T is for Tammy, worth quite a high price,
whose kidneys were missing when she woke up in ice.

U is for Uriel, whose washing machine
spun him to death (and he swallowed chlorine).

V is for Vicki, who sampled perfume,
but it was ether, so now she's entombed.

W is for Walter, who will remain frozen
until the day when his med treatment is chosen.

X is for Xavier, who died on an airplane
when toilet spiders bit him and caused great pain.

Y is for Yolanda, who died in a week
'cuz roach eggs from tacos had hatched in her cheek.

Z is for Zelda, whose e-mails did no good
to fund cure for her cancer, though she thought they would.