Q. What is the purpose of this OAQ?
A. These are questions that I have been asked more than a few times. Not frequently; just occasionally. I thought they might be of interest to other people, so I decided to compile them into one convenient page here. Some of them might be helpful to employers, others to friends, others to everyone else. Enjoy. Hopefully, you will be able to note where sarcasm is in use.

Q. Are you the same Bryan Bird who is a) a forest conservationist, b) a school principal, c) a DJ, or d) a filmmaker?
A. In a word, no. In two words, umm no.

Q. Umm isn't really a word; it's more of a sound.
A. That wasn't really a question, it was more of a statement.

Q. Touché.
A. Gesundheit.

Q. Do you currently have a job?
A. Yes. I work full-time for a music publisher as a Graphic Artist. I basically fulfill any and all graphical needs, including designing music covers (basically dust jackets), ads, flyers, CDs, and printing camera-ready artwork and separations. I work on a Macintosh (both OS X and OS 9) and use Adobe Photoshop 7, QuarkXPress 4.1, and Macromedia Freehand 8 daily. I also serve a secondary purpose as tech support for the company if I'm capable. More recently, I have been helping out with customer service, answering phones, correspondence, shipping, and training.

Q. What's your life story?
A. You're just patronizing me, aren't you? Oh, I mean... I grew up in Elyria, Ohio and lived there for 28 years before moving to Strongsville in 2008. When I was seven years old, one day I read the comics on a Sunday morning -- I guess I didn't normally do that; I remember this being out of the ordinary. In any case, on that particular day, Peanuts (the first comic on the page) involved Snoopy at golf camp. At the time, I was really into miniature golf, which is probably why I found the cartoon so amusing (also because I was seven years old and apparently was easily amused). From then on, I was incredibly interested in Peanuts and all things Snoopy. I traced the comics all the time, to the point that I could eventually draw the Peanuts characters freehand. At some point I decided that I wanted to be a freelance cartoonist, so I could draw just like Charles Schulz.

Just before I turned eight, my parents took me to see the high school's production of 42nd Street, and for some reason I fell in love with the song "We're In The Money." I asked my mom to show me how to play it on the piano, and she plucked it out by ear. We put masking tape on the keys and wrote numbers on them so I'd know which ones to play. The next school year, I started taking piano lessons.

Fast forward to high school... When it came time to choose a college, I wanted to major in art, because I still planned on being a cartoonist. Since most schools don't offer a major in cartooning, I chose graphic design instead -- although I quickly realized it had more to do with page layout than designing graphics. So after one semester at Bowling Green State University in Bowling Green, Ohio, I decided to change my major to Computer Art. While in college, I decided I liked Computer Art and sort of forgot about the whole cartooning thing. Once I graduated and had trouble finding a job in the fields of digital imaging and web design, cartooning sounded like a good idea again. In the meantime, I lived with my parents and made use of the money I had saved, all the while looking for full-time work.

Eventually I found my way to a temp agency, which found me a few short stints in office employment. Then, via word of mouth, Olde Towne Hall Theatre found me to play for a show, and in December various groups wanted me to play Christmas music for them. I had another temp job in January, until Kelly Conkey, then-choir director at Firelands High School, found my website and asked if I would be accompanist for her choirs, and I accepted. About two months later, one Sunday afternoon my mom happened to notice a help wanted ad in the Elyria newspaper for a music publishing company, and it sounded like the job description was written for me. I applied in person, had an interview, then a second interview later that week, where upon I was offered the job -- but they were going to hire two people. My co-worker quit after about six working days, so since then it's been just me. And now you know... the rest of the story.

Q. Wow. Sorry I asked.
A. Just be glad I'm only 28.

Q. You're a guy, and you play the piano. That must mean you like jazz, right?
A. Incorrect. My training was classical, and I'm just not a big fan of most types of jazz. I don't mind the early stuff that evolved from Ragtime (Jelly Roll Morton), but it's still not in my performance repertoire. Devastating, I know.

Q. So why didn't you major in music in college?
A. Well, playing piano has always been a "hobby" -- something I really enjoy doing in my spare time, a relationship which I wouldn't want to ruin by making it a full-time job. Also, once I got to a certain point in my skill, I sort of lost interest in going any further. I'm no virtuoso, but I can play well enough to suit me... enough to fancy up some Christmas tunes and play Broadway scores anyway (and sometimes write original songs as well). If I had majored in piano performance, I think it would have ruined it for me, because it requires a lot of work, and would have taken the fun out of it.

Had I majored in music education, well... my parents were both teachers, and after seeing what they've gone through with students, parents, administrators -- not to mention educational consultants with their Fads Of The Month -- I had absolutely no interest in teaching anything. And again, I think it would have been too much music in college... it's a hobby. If anything, I would like to take some music composition classes, but without a grade or the pressure to dedicate all my attention and time to it. Nonetheless, during the 10-month period between graduation and finding a job in graphic design, music was my main source of income.

Q. You're not so good with short, quick answers, are you?
A. No, I was an art major, not a business major. I became accustomed to class critiques and coming up with elaborate explanations for every color choice and stroke and layout. You can blame my professors.

Q. Where can I hear sound clips of you playing the piano?
A. I occasionally post recordings on my blog. The relevant blog posts are here: rockin' it old school; showing off the new piano; the big day (for my brother); organ music. Another place to look is my MySpace music page, where I have posted some original compositions.

Q. If you were stranded on a deserted island and only had one food to eat, what would it be?
A. Ice cream. And kettle corn. But not at the same time. So, I guess that's two foods.

Q. What do you see yourself doing in 10 years?
A. Ah, I see we're on to the job interview questions now. I find this particular question somewhat rhetorical, because I think what most people mean to ask is, "What would you like to be doing in 10 years?" Ideally, I would like to be a syndicated freelance cartoonist, who spends his spare time arranging and composing music (on a Yamaha 9-foot concert grand piano), while living with a dog (a beagle named York) in a house (that I designed), while having enough money leftover to pay for high-speed internet access and to donate to various charities and save for retirement. Throw in one of those arcade-style Ms. Pac-Man machines and that big train they had on the show Silver Spoons, too. And maybe a miniature golf course in the backyard. But this is "ideal," not necessarily a future reality. I really don't have a problem working 9-5 (or 8-5, as seems to be the trend these days). Let's be honest: becoming a full-time cartoonist won't happen overnight. Who knows if it will ever happen at all.

In other words, please don't deny me a full-time job because of my response to this question. Even after that Ms. Pac-Man machine arrives on my doorstep, I'll still have bills to pay. Thanks.

Q. One last question: when you were a kid, why did you arrange your box of crayons in rainbow order?
A. Because it was easier to find the color I wanted that way.